There are things that you can control and you cant,it was never my choice to keep it in mind,it just wont go away.
I guess the thing is on me,when i have something in mind,it will always be there.Is this what they call stubborn?
That day,i finally saw you again with such coincidence.I did expect to meet you somewhere in the LRT station,funny thing was i sort of sensed it when i was in the train.God knows why i had that feeling.As i expected,i still cant face you yet,even from far i had the urge to just hug you tight and never let go.I know im being ridiculous,but you know,it's just me,someone who still cant get over you after 6months.
I tried so many ways just to get myself of out this misery, nothing seems to work.
I dont know how long will it takes,but i know im definitely fine.
Im happy to see that you're doing great now,stay happy always. (:
-still fighting.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Take a deep breath
College resumes tomorrow and im demanding for more holidays now.See?This is how selfish one can be,I was whining about how boring the holidays were and now i want more!?Ridiculous.
Alright,so i got myself back to watching drama again after quitting for some time.
There were things that attracted me to watch Triumph In The Skies 2 but im not sure what was it.
I heard people saying that it sucks/boring,well i could say that different people have different view?The drama was definitely great,unlike some drama which are totally bullshit.Please no offense intended.
Definitely there are essences which made it meaningful for me and i dont know how to tell people about it.Surely only i understand the best so let it be?Anyway who cares,as long as im happy with it.
AS exam is coming soon like real soon,time to put certain stuff aside and start digging in on books day and night.I really got no time to get over that shitty trials results anymore,dont worry,i still have motivation to keep on studying!To those people who are struggling in A-levels also,good luck!We definitely need them desperately,right?Or it's just me hahaha.
The human mind is complicated,you can control your own thinking but there are things which you just couldnt.I really hate it and you were all over my mind again after so long,like come on,why am i still keeping it inside,locking myself within the same world.Funny thing is,why do i even have the intention to check on you when i promised myself never get near if i still couldnt make myself clear.Someone please tell me what to do?I can help people out but i just cant help myself out.Ironic much?Seems like i will never grow eh?Dear JHong wake up, time to wake up boy,move to a new path already.
And i asked myself sometimes,what would I do when I see both of them on the street.
TBH,..........i dont know.
Thats all for ending my holidays!Goodnight!Keep fighting.
-This is the only place i can express what i wanted to,so im sorry to those who read my crap.I wonder if there are people reading it might as well make people sick hahahhaha.Much apologized.
Alright,so i got myself back to watching drama again after quitting for some time.
There were things that attracted me to watch Triumph In The Skies 2 but im not sure what was it.
I heard people saying that it sucks/boring,well i could say that different people have different view?The drama was definitely great,unlike some drama which are totally bullshit.Please no offense intended.
Definitely there are essences which made it meaningful for me and i dont know how to tell people about it.Surely only i understand the best so let it be?Anyway who cares,as long as im happy with it.
AS exam is coming soon like real soon,time to put certain stuff aside and start digging in on books day and night.I really got no time to get over that shitty trials results anymore,dont worry,i still have motivation to keep on studying!To those people who are struggling in A-levels also,good luck!We definitely need them desperately,right?Or it's just me hahaha.
The human mind is complicated,you can control your own thinking but there are things which you just couldnt.I really hate it and you were all over my mind again after so long,like come on,why am i still keeping it inside,locking myself within the same world.Funny thing is,why do i even have the intention to check on you when i promised myself never get near if i still couldnt make myself clear.Someone please tell me what to do?I can help people out but i just cant help myself out.Ironic much?Seems like i will never grow eh?Dear JHong wake up, time to wake up boy,move to a new path already.
And i asked myself sometimes,what would I do when I see both of them on the street.
TBH,..........i dont know.
Thats all for ending my holidays!Goodnight!Keep fighting.
-This is the only place i can express what i wanted to,so im sorry to those who read my crap.I wonder if there are people reading it might as well make people sick hahahhaha.Much apologized.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Waking up.
Oh yes,college break is finally here.Yay?Not really tho.
Since im so bored and i decided to crap something over here.It's only second day of the holiday and i dont know what to do now,felt so lost after trials.I had been digesting past year questions and notes for the past one month,I deserve a clap cause it was the first time this year i studied that hard.Literally?You can see how lazy i have became if you're to compare me back then in SAB.Lets forget about trials,it was a disaster,like tsunami,earthquake,meteor strike,SARS,H1N1 and all coming at once.Listen to me,dont take A-Levels if you are sure of what you want to study in future,just my opinion which is just crap hahaha.
Time is passing faster than i can imagine,few more months and thats the end of 2013,I dont know man,im just not ready for anything yet for now.And there's time i start to compare myself with the others,it sure demotivated me every time i thought about it.Things that im aiming for seems to be just a dream,so far away.What am i trying to do now is not getting me anywhere,wanted to be outstanding but didnt want to sacrifice and do some hard work.A joker i am hahaha.
Many things im still not used to it,i dont know how to express it in words but i just wish someone can listen to me someday hahaha,its gonna be annoying.
I guess thats all for now,just lost the urge to write,maybe im sleepy thats why,till then. (:
Good day!
Since im so bored and i decided to crap something over here.It's only second day of the holiday and i dont know what to do now,felt so lost after trials.I had been digesting past year questions and notes for the past one month,I deserve a clap cause it was the first time this year i studied that hard.Literally?You can see how lazy i have became if you're to compare me back then in SAB.Lets forget about trials,it was a disaster,like tsunami,earthquake,meteor strike,SARS,H1N1 and all coming at once.Listen to me,dont take A-Levels if you are sure of what you want to study in future,just my opinion which is just crap hahaha.
Time is passing faster than i can imagine,few more months and thats the end of 2013,I dont know man,im just not ready for anything yet for now.And there's time i start to compare myself with the others,it sure demotivated me every time i thought about it.Things that im aiming for seems to be just a dream,so far away.What am i trying to do now is not getting me anywhere,wanted to be outstanding but didnt want to sacrifice and do some hard work.A joker i am hahaha.
Many things im still not used to it,i dont know how to express it in words but i just wish someone can listen to me someday hahaha,its gonna be annoying.
I guess thats all for now,just lost the urge to write,maybe im sleepy thats why,till then. (:
Good day!
Keep breathing,keep walking,there will be a way out of this.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Time
It was just 4months ago,but it felt like forever.So,i wonder how are you?I could just talk to you anytime but i dont know what's holding me back.Maybe it's better?I dont know,i just dont know.As my dear friend told me,this is going to take a long time like a year or more?Im amazed by myself how i can just randomly reminisce things although im in the middle of work.There are a lot of things which i cant understand until now,not that i didnt want to accept it...just simply cant understand it,like there's no answers to it.
Constantly telling myself just freaking move on already,life is too short to hold on unnecessary stuff.Maybe it did work for awhile but eventually dead.Why is it so hard to just forget about it?Endless questions...endless.
Seriously im tired of all these shits,i need a new path to walk on,let go of every single thing.I didnt even know what fucking feeling i went through sometimes,i will just lie down somewhere or just stare over something and broke down.
The hole is so deep,i dont have the strength anymore to climb up.
Signing out.Goodnight.
Constantly telling myself just freaking move on already,life is too short to hold on unnecessary stuff.Maybe it did work for awhile but eventually dead.Why is it so hard to just forget about it?Endless questions...endless.
Seriously im tired of all these shits,i need a new path to walk on,let go of every single thing.I didnt even know what fucking feeling i went through sometimes,i will just lie down somewhere or just stare over something and broke down.
The hole is so deep,i dont have the strength anymore to climb up.
Signing out.Goodnight.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
In between.
Once again,im caught in between of something,but this time i guess i could handle it better?I've learned how to differentiate between the 2 "L"s
It was totally unexpected and i couldnt help it.Things just haunt me sometimes,it has been months,still it is not getting anywhere.
At least im cleared of it,there wont be any problem i guess?And i dont think anyone realized?good thing?yes no?
I just dont know who to tell,i need someone who can really listen to all these things.And......there....only that one.sigh.
Maybe few months were never enough,does this mean it will take years?
People do feel lonely at times eh?Been getting that a lot again lately,looking at people around me,all i could was laugh at myself,pathetic tho.
For what reason i did that?Oh of course i wouldnt spit out the truth,it would make things go wrong,definitely.
Looks like life is not as easy as i thought,I messed up too many shit already within these few months.Lost hope in studies,i wonder where's my willpower to score...sigh.Procrastinating everyday,running away from difficulties,i have to stop all these like as soon as possible.
Still telling myself,be strong.keep fighting.smile.
It was totally unexpected and i couldnt help it.Things just haunt me sometimes,it has been months,still it is not getting anywhere.
At least im cleared of it,there wont be any problem i guess?And i dont think anyone realized?good thing?yes no?
I just dont know who to tell,i need someone who can really listen to all these things.And......there....only that one.sigh.
Maybe few months were never enough,does this mean it will take years?
People do feel lonely at times eh?Been getting that a lot again lately,looking at people around me,all i could was laugh at myself,pathetic tho.
For what reason i did that?Oh of course i wouldnt spit out the truth,it would make things go wrong,definitely.
Looks like life is not as easy as i thought,I messed up too many shit already within these few months.Lost hope in studies,i wonder where's my willpower to score...sigh.Procrastinating everyday,running away from difficulties,i have to stop all these like as soon as possible.
Still telling myself,be strong.keep fighting.smile.
Friday, June 7, 2013
In the midst of falling.
Hi dear blog,im back again to write down my bullshits on you again.
Sometimes telling people my problems seemed to be bothering people although i know they wouldnt mind but yea still it is my own problems after all why want to disturb others?make sense?hahaha.
My mind was induced to think on something again after reading some phrases from one of my friend's post.
That day,sitting behind of the ''abudens'' during moral studies,i looked at them and i smiled.To be honest,it's not the first time already.Was figuring out what do i want,im trying my best everyday,looking for reasons to smile,make everyday a better day.Actually,this is tiring.
Do you people think im really a person like that?If you want to know, find out yourself.
Sometimes you wont know what's behind the smile.The water surface may seems calm,but you will never know what's below it.
What kind of shit feelings i also had went through,but they will come back sometimes,it cant be helped i guess.At least,they are not as bad as before.
I shouldnt give a damn anymore,so why am i still keeping that in mind?giving myself unnecessary problem.Maybe those things are binding me to it?
Im really confused,i should be able to differentiate between that two .This is what you get when you have too much of it i guess?Sigh.
Who to trust?who to rely on?who to keep close?Where are the answer to these questions marks?
Just hope this is part of the process.
Still holding on what i said.
Keep fighting JH,always keep your head up.
Sometimes telling people my problems seemed to be bothering people although i know they wouldnt mind but yea still it is my own problems after all why want to disturb others?make sense?hahaha.
My mind was induced to think on something again after reading some phrases from one of my friend's post.
That day,sitting behind of the ''abudens'' during moral studies,i looked at them and i smiled.To be honest,it's not the first time already.Was figuring out what do i want,im trying my best everyday,looking for reasons to smile,make everyday a better day.Actually,this is tiring.
Do you people think im really a person like that?If you want to know, find out yourself.
Sometimes you wont know what's behind the smile.The water surface may seems calm,but you will never know what's below it.
What kind of shit feelings i also had went through,but they will come back sometimes,it cant be helped i guess.At least,they are not as bad as before.
I shouldnt give a damn anymore,so why am i still keeping that in mind?giving myself unnecessary problem.Maybe those things are binding me to it?
Im really confused,i should be able to differentiate between that two .This is what you get when you have too much of it i guess?Sigh.
Who to trust?who to rely on?who to keep close?Where are the answer to these questions marks?
Just hope this is part of the process.
Still holding on what i said.
Keep fighting JH,always keep your head up.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
those words belong to me.
What do i want?"i dont know".that's the only thing that popped out in my mind every time.Does it really take that long?Although a lot of things are getting back on track,but there's still this feeling which cant be described still haunting me.Why do i even care,why do i even look,why do i even concern over it again.
Everyday finding for a reason to smile,trying to make myself happy instead of waiting to be made happy.well,this is not getting me anywhere. So many things in mind,but just can transcript them into words.
都已经麻木了，自己也累了，说是放开了，那我还在犹豫什么？
要不要越过这条线已不是由我选择，是必要。
一切都无说为了，我还追究什么？
That 'once' is enough to kill.
Signing off.
Everyday finding for a reason to smile,trying to make myself happy instead of waiting to be made happy.well,this is not getting me anywhere. So many things in mind,but just can transcript them into words.
都已经麻木了，自己也累了，说是放开了，那我还在犹豫什么？
要不要越过这条线已不是由我选择，是必要。
一切都无说为了，我还追究什么？
That 'once' is enough to kill.
Signing off.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Walking in a circle.
~Im getting lazy to write essays in blog so gonna make it as simple as possible.
Time is ticking fast lately,one month already passed.It was a hard time indeed,facing things which i wished they never happened.
Life is getting more interesting,everyone has their very own story to tell.There are a lot of things to be learned from there,yes this means more thinking.There's something wrong with me lately i guess?I cant solve my own problems but i tend to help others?I have this bad habit sometimes,i rather let people around me to be happy instead of making myself happy first,pathetic isnt it?
Let's talk about college!Yes,i just got back my exam papers,few subjects were bad,like very bad.When i compare my results with others,i felt like im the dumbest already,should had just gave up! Oh well, i get that always whenever it comes to exams...so whatever?
I guess nobody would believe this if i say that last thursday was my very first time playing in a Cyber Cafe?Yes,you got to believe it,I just did! What an achievement?Nothing much actually,just hanging out with my friends playing CS.It had been some time since i played FPS game with a bunch of friends,normally just myself playing with strangers.Anyway, must not let my self be obsessed with gaming again,studies first! I hope that works well.
Cass and Wei hwei are in TARC now,which means there are 2 additional SABians here!However, too bad Jian yik transferred to UCSI already,I didnt really want to say this but yea,I miss you talking cock in class early in the morning.Hope to get to meet more and more people through them!Im getting back my courage!
Thats the report for these few days for now (:
-Signing off.
Time is ticking fast lately,one month already passed.It was a hard time indeed,facing things which i wished they never happened.
Life is getting more interesting,everyone has their very own story to tell.There are a lot of things to be learned from there,yes this means more thinking.There's something wrong with me lately i guess?I cant solve my own problems but i tend to help others?I have this bad habit sometimes,i rather let people around me to be happy instead of making myself happy first,pathetic isnt it?
Let's talk about college!Yes,i just got back my exam papers,few subjects were bad,like very bad.When i compare my results with others,i felt like im the dumbest already,should had just gave up! Oh well, i get that always whenever it comes to exams...so whatever?
I guess nobody would believe this if i say that last thursday was my very first time playing in a Cyber Cafe?Yes,you got to believe it,I just did! What an achievement?Nothing much actually,just hanging out with my friends playing CS.It had been some time since i played FPS game with a bunch of friends,normally just myself playing with strangers.Anyway, must not let my self be obsessed with gaming again,studies first! I hope that works well.
Cass and Wei hwei are in TARC now,which means there are 2 additional SABians here!However, too bad Jian yik transferred to UCSI already,I didnt really want to say this but yea,I miss you talking cock in class early in the morning.Hope to get to meet more and more people through them!Im getting back my courage!
Thats the report for these few days for now (:
-Signing off.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Realization
Hi hi hi hi hi , i'm finally back after being away for awhile.So, i've been busy with the mid-term exams which will affect my scholarship if i dont get average of 60% for each subject.This type of stress is like never ending!Why did i even sign up for January intake?I wonder sometimes.Eye bags are getting bad lately due to lack of sleep.Ok,i admit i made it this way for myself to study,what can i do?During midnight i only have the mood,the motivation and feel to study.If im to compare SPM and A-levels,seriously i dont give a shit about my results sometimes which is a major problem.I give up easily during the hard time nowadays.
Let's recap on what i did for the past few days.
-Met up with Su Jane and Yun Qiu at time square.Super tiring day,walk here and there,take LRT,squeeze with people and sweating like mad!Oh yeah,met a friend of Yun Qiu's,her name is Ash!I know right?You definitely gonna think of pokemon!She's a cool person i would say for a female.
-Played basketball once again in TARC.This is a very good experience to expose myself to more professional players when im in TARC,height is my problem now when playing with these people.They're super good!Hoping for more to come.
-Staying up late to revise and do tutorials were pains in the ass that the next day feeling so worn out and sleepy! I decided to stop sleeping during class when i first started college,but now its back again.Sometimes you just cant help it because there's a jigglypuff talking in front of the class and yeah,what can you do?hahaha.I did feel my body got weaker sometimes as i was too tired.
-Went back to SAB to have a look on the basketball competition the juniors having.I definitely missed those days.I found that only in SAB,you can find violence in the court but still best friends in the classroom.They might shout at each other while playing,hurting each other,bruises all over,but it never affect the friendship!Basketball is brotherhood!
Now im pretty adapted to college,the environment, the people there most importantly.I have been a quiet person in college before this,now im just starting to behave a bit more lively i guess?When i have coped with a certain situation,only that time i will be myself in front of everyone.I just hope i wont embarrass myself sometimes.I find this guy in my college quite interesting.There is something similar that we had went through but so far,i think only him can understand that situation.College life is just about to get more interesting,with the April intake coming in real soon,lets hope it's gonna be fun.Currently in the mood to meet more people,i hope nothing will kill it like what happened before few years ago hahaha.In college,what type of people also can be found if you slowly observe one by one.There's always stress relieving section during the break time at the canteen.
I also have been hearing different kind of stories about my friends lately.Oh well,i just can say that life is lecture.
i)From pain,you realize ; from losing ,you learn to appreciate.There are some decisions have to be made before walking down the path in life.You do put commitment into certain stuffs but not over commitment.You might not regret now,but sooner or later you will realize.What's the point of trading long term happiness for some temporary happiness?
ii)Grab the chance while you can,no matter how hard it is going to be,at least you tried.Sorrow after sorrow,there are people who still can stand still and face the hardship without a frown from the face,but deep inside there are scars.You are a strong one,keep going,dont fall.Dont question yourself for what purpose on doing so much until now because one day it will be rewarded.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There are things that really disgust me.
It is a pain to realize so late.
There are reasons why i still have them with me.
It is a piece of painful reminder.
Signing out,JH.
Let's recap on what i did for the past few days.
-Met up with Su Jane and Yun Qiu at time square.Super tiring day,walk here and there,take LRT,squeeze with people and sweating like mad!Oh yeah,met a friend of Yun Qiu's,her name is Ash!I know right?You definitely gonna think of pokemon!She's a cool person i would say for a female.
-Played basketball once again in TARC.This is a very good experience to expose myself to more professional players when im in TARC,height is my problem now when playing with these people.They're super good!Hoping for more to come.
-Staying up late to revise and do tutorials were pains in the ass that the next day feeling so worn out and sleepy! I decided to stop sleeping during class when i first started college,but now its back again.Sometimes you just cant help it because there's a jigglypuff talking in front of the class and yeah,what can you do?hahaha.I did feel my body got weaker sometimes as i was too tired.
-Went back to SAB to have a look on the basketball competition the juniors having.I definitely missed those days.I found that only in SAB,you can find violence in the court but still best friends in the classroom.They might shout at each other while playing,hurting each other,bruises all over,but it never affect the friendship!Basketball is brotherhood!
Now im pretty adapted to college,the environment, the people there most importantly.I have been a quiet person in college before this,now im just starting to behave a bit more lively i guess?When i have coped with a certain situation,only that time i will be myself in front of everyone.I just hope i wont embarrass myself sometimes.I find this guy in my college quite interesting.There is something similar that we had went through but so far,i think only him can understand that situation.College life is just about to get more interesting,with the April intake coming in real soon,lets hope it's gonna be fun.Currently in the mood to meet more people,i hope nothing will kill it like what happened before few years ago hahaha.In college,what type of people also can be found if you slowly observe one by one.There's always stress relieving section during the break time at the canteen.
I also have been hearing different kind of stories about my friends lately.Oh well,i just can say that life is lecture.
i)From pain,you realize ; from losing ,you learn to appreciate.There are some decisions have to be made before walking down the path in life.You do put commitment into certain stuffs but not over commitment.You might not regret now,but sooner or later you will realize.What's the point of trading long term happiness for some temporary happiness?
ii)Grab the chance while you can,no matter how hard it is going to be,at least you tried.Sorrow after sorrow,there are people who still can stand still and face the hardship without a frown from the face,but deep inside there are scars.You are a strong one,keep going,dont fall.Dont question yourself for what purpose on doing so much until now because one day it will be rewarded.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There are things that really disgust me.
It is a pain to realize so late.
There are reasons why i still have them with me.
It is a piece of painful reminder.
Signing out,JH.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Forced to.Have to.Must
Im supposed to be studying like now?Never mind dont care,plan failed.This is like life during SPM trials last year,studying like a mad cow,equations all spinning in the head.The problem is,my eyes always go blur,maybe im really tired but i got so little time left.Sigh...I wasted few months doing nothing,distractions here and there along with my laziness,perfect combo!
To be honest,i got no confidence at all in my studies at all already,I dont know why.It just...gone.However, thank god there's some motivation running in me,hope it can last long.Not even half a year in college,so many things going on.Life is getting interesting and yet tiring.
People here with problems,people there with problems.
This world is having a lot of problems.
How many solutions are there?
There are some stuff which i dont want to do so,but i know i must.This will be the best for all,am I wrong or right?I will know soon enough i guess.
就这样麻醉自己.
Nights!.
To be honest,i got no confidence at all in my studies at all already,I dont know why.It just...gone.However, thank god there's some motivation running in me,hope it can last long.Not even half a year in college,so many things going on.Life is getting interesting and yet tiring.
People here with problems,people there with problems.
This world is having a lot of problems.
How many solutions are there?
There are some stuff which i dont want to do so,but i know i must.This will be the best for all,am I wrong or right?I will know soon enough i guess.
就这样麻醉自己.
Nights!.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Memories written down.
Oh hi?After 2 years and im back?Well blame me for not having the urge to blog anymore for the past 2 years because i fount it that i didnt have to for that time.2 years you call it long it's not long,short but not short.Too many things happened in this 2 years.Of course it changed my life totally,more than i expected actually.I had learned a lot from people around me,incidents happening around me and of course from the person who stepped into my life.
So yea,my last post was dedicated for you and my very first post of this coming new life will be dedicated to you as well.See?How awesome you are?Hahahaha
Nothing much actually, i just wanted to make an appreciation to this 2 years experience.I shall start from the beginning.
Back then in Form 3(2010), we didnt actually like approach each other at all.From what i remembered about that time was,seeing you was like seeing a black charcoal,yea..your face was always that ''black'' that time.We never talked,except asking for Chinese homework stuff.I'm afraid of you actually,but slowly changed my mind on you,you're quite friendly actually just sometimes oh so cold.One day,somewhere in the month of September i guess,cant really remember,I just know PMR was near.I was totally down,after being rejected by another girl i was going for?Another painful experience which i dont know why i can hold it so long?It amazed me actually for what i had done back then yet embarrassing.So slowly,you approached me when i was totally down and i really got no idea how did you make me cheer up that fast that time.I got better a lot eventually and most of the times i had been going to your or you coming to me class along with abdan to fool around.After sometime,i had a weird feeling that im attached to you in a sudden,but i didnt care about it and let it be.So we became close friends?That we were playing maple like idiots also i think?Ok,so things went on further.Until December, Form4 life was going to start soon and I took up tuition in Exclusive A tuition centre,to my surprise you were going there to.Yea i was freaking happy because i have not been to tuition with any of my school friends before since Form1.But too bad you cant stand the stress and you quit after not long,just in that period of time,i definitely can remember how many patches you left on the arms and thighs,i was being pinched for don't know how many times per tuition class until i became immune to it.And yea you left the centre,I was quite sad actually and there was a weird feeling bothering that time but i dont know what kind of feeling is that.From there, i started to feel like getting away from EA as well,the stress was something new for me i cant really sustain it.I planned to join you for tuition at other place then i made a havoc with my parents.At the end i didnt change because i found that i was acting due to my emotion so i stayed there.
Then on the night before PMR results day which is 23rd Decemeber, i did a ''prank'' so this is it.
Yea,being a pussy actually,sorry i made you cry,i know you wont forgive me on this hahaha.The ''prank'' was a success but i got a ''yes'' from you that time really freaked me out.
I was very scared after that and tried to talk to you until midnight 2am+ tho PMR results was coming out in few more hours.After that things went on until the next year,2011.
Form4 life!They called it the honey moon year but didnt sound like honey moon to me at all due to the amount of work im having in tuition and packed with activities.So i tried to drag my feelings until the day im going off for a trip but you managed to persuade me to say it out.Yes it was on the 8th of March.Im kinda regret i didnt do it in a public way instead telling through text but it didnt matter now,its over already ayte.So i flied on the 11th!Cant deny the pussyness,tell and fly away.The days were getting better and better.You were so clingy back then,sometimes i felt very restricted but i rather to stay with you most of the times.That made me missed my basketball session most of the times and being teased by my friends and seniors for ditching basketball hahaha.Well it was nothing,i sometimes still insisted to go play for awhile.Yea sorry the smell of my sweat everytime when accompanying you until 5PM everytime we stayed back.I was rushing like made sometimes as tuition starts at 5.30PM,pheww adventurous i would say?hahaha.
So during Form4,i broke my limit in my life and went out on FridayS most of the weeks which i had to find excuse everytime to tell my mom so i can go hahaha.Success upon reaching leisure mall from school was good, the problem in leisure mall was that many familiar faces were common there,so i always had something to be worried on.It was a good experience yet tiring at times.Sometimes even ran like a dog when saw someone i know.The most epic one was in front of the lift,the lift door opened and saw my mom with my brothers along,luckily abdan was along that time!Oh well,things went on smoothly for sometime (not 100% smooth,sure there's ups and downs) until Form 5!
Form5,year 2012,SPM was coming,the stress was coming but it didnt stop us.As the amount of work increases,activities im involved increases,i had less time to be with you.You got mad of that as sometimes we didnt even talk more than 15minutes in school.Yea my bad most of the time haha.I thought it would be fine after few months as everything was going to stop,but sadly it didnt, i got more busier instead.Still, the Friday date we used to go never had been stopped.Movie,eat,starbucks and talk until 5PM then back home straight tuition was super tiring that i slept during class most of the time without myself noticing.But i told myself,"everything is worth it,now i would complain of the tiredness,but one day,when i lose all these ,i will rather to have that kind of tiredness back".So as the day to SPM trials was getting near,I tried to help you out on the Science subjects by teaching you,but yea it failed most of the times haha.I even shouted sometimes that i felt like slapping myself,how could i lost patience suddenly?haha.Yea i was worried as SPM getting close.Back then in Form3,im still gonna be proud of myself because i taught you geo and sej until u manage to get As hehehhehe.At the same time, im also worried on the days once school is over on how to continue this relationship.So i took step by step,going out with you whenever i could.And yeah skype,im missing to be honest,but its too late.Well continue on the topic.Yes,we manage to go out as often as we could and until you planned to get a job at the end of December.And yes,the Pet Lovers Centre newly opened at the top floor.Since Popular bookshop was full,so you went to PLC instead.College was starting soon for me,and problems started to come up.Moving to year 2013!
First year in college (2013,present), ever since you started working and i started to go to college,we only get to meet like once in a blue moon.Starting of the year,i really couldnt cope with the new college life and was tired of it for 2 months just to cope of it,and your working was until 10PM daily and still have to manage some stuffs in the shop and get home which was already near 11PM,yea quite late.Everyday around that time I also quite drained up,but i tried to stay up as late as i can to talk to you or skype,but it didnt last long.I know its too late to regret,I cant turn time back and fix everything.Problems were there in our relationship but i kept telling myself it would be fine,yea which now i call it now-running away from problems.We argued over certain stuffs,and to avoid further argument,i put the blame on myself although i shouldnt,i should just settled things out but i didnt because i'm scared to face it.There are stuffs going on but i ignored,yea bad choice."As time passed,people grow,feelings changed.",i couldnt and wouldnt deny it,Im happy to see you grown so much during the time we hardly meet,growing up was never a bad thing,now i accept this fact because it is reasonable,while i was trying to make myself not to believe.I used to hold on to these principle: love and tolerate,understanding.After sometime,yea i lost hold of it,i was too much relieved.So many matters but i didnt take time to think about it.Now life is full of regrets but i'm not gonna let that take me down,it is painful to move on but life is a lecture after all,i shall accept everything as a lesson.This 2 years were the happiest moments so far,although there are pains too.I really loved you a lot,i started to think on what to do when we are really meeting the parents.But yea,i cant predict what was going to happen and i did not had a deep thought of it.Making it to be simple,leave no problems unsolved aside and letting them to be piled up,this will cause a tsunami wave of problems to crush you.Sometimes im just too self-centred , i did not take care of things as much as i did before last time.......*updated*
And so now,everything has ended.Some part of my life definitely will change.Well a small part haha?
No more the tiny little hands of yours,huggies,your scent that drove me crazy over you,eating Baskin Robins together,chilling at starbucks just to wait time to pass,and last but not least!Eating cheese baked rice with me! I know i have not stop eating that for 2years and i never will!Just that now nobody will share the cheese with me hahaha,okay i get to eat more i should be happy.
Since leisure mall is just so so near,i definitely gonna go through this place sometimes,and yea these memories will appear in my mind.Starting,the pain will be there but eventually it will fade.Im getting fine already haha,i guess?Time heals everything,yes it will.
After this, i will not have to chance to nag you anymore i guess?although many times of it didnt work at all.
-sleep earlier laa,you need some rest,i know you are tired!
-drink water!!
-no no no,no mcd! bad for health
-no its too late,no instant noodles for you ( well yea, at the end still let you eat as you're starving. what to do?haha )
What a stubborn Taurus you are.(:
Hope you enjoy your last month of working at PLC.I didnt like your male colleagues at first was because of the way stare and look at you from up to down.I noticed that so of course im not happy about it.But sooner or later,yes i was fine with them already.I just thought too much at first,they were good after all.At there i could see,you are very happy with the surrounding,the smile that i never can see when you're in secondary school haha,why am i typing this?Maybe sometimes this month,i will pay a visit?Miss those cute little animals by the entrance side.
For now,im still not ready to face you yet,although i have the eager to see you,to talk to you.But i know,its time to kill all these feelings,the situation is totally different now.
We might not be able to continue the journey we walked for 2 years ,but i hope this doesnt end our relationship in terms of ''friends'' instead of ''couple''.
I choose to let go at the end because we were both suffering yes.No point dragging everything further.But the love never die.I know you lost all those feelings and affectionate,its okay.I just want you to know,no matter what happen, i will always be there if you need me.But this doesnt mean i never move on (:
"No matter what happens
Even when the sky is falling down
I'll promise you
That I'll never let you go"
Sounds familiar ?Yea Park Bom's "You and I" hahaha.The song of our story.
Thank you Wong Li Sien for everything.If i get the chance once more,i would tell you "I love you" deep from heart,not through text anymore.
我爱你黄丽贤.
So yea,my last post was dedicated for you and my very first post of this coming new life will be dedicated to you as well.See?How awesome you are?Hahahaha
Nothing much actually, i just wanted to make an appreciation to this 2 years experience.I shall start from the beginning.
Back then in Form 3(2010), we didnt actually like approach each other at all.From what i remembered about that time was,seeing you was like seeing a black charcoal,yea..your face was always that ''black'' that time.We never talked,except asking for Chinese homework stuff.I'm afraid of you actually,but slowly changed my mind on you,you're quite friendly actually just sometimes oh so cold.One day,somewhere in the month of September i guess,cant really remember,I just know PMR was near.I was totally down,after being rejected by another girl i was going for?Another painful experience which i dont know why i can hold it so long?It amazed me actually for what i had done back then yet embarrassing.So slowly,you approached me when i was totally down and i really got no idea how did you make me cheer up that fast that time.I got better a lot eventually and most of the times i had been going to your or you coming to me class along with abdan to fool around.After sometime,i had a weird feeling that im attached to you in a sudden,but i didnt care about it and let it be.So we became close friends?That we were playing maple like idiots also i think?Ok,so things went on further.Until December, Form4 life was going to start soon and I took up tuition in Exclusive A tuition centre,to my surprise you were going there to.Yea i was freaking happy because i have not been to tuition with any of my school friends before since Form1.But too bad you cant stand the stress and you quit after not long,just in that period of time,i definitely can remember how many patches you left on the arms and thighs,i was being pinched for don't know how many times per tuition class until i became immune to it.And yea you left the centre,I was quite sad actually and there was a weird feeling bothering that time but i dont know what kind of feeling is that.From there, i started to feel like getting away from EA as well,the stress was something new for me i cant really sustain it.I planned to join you for tuition at other place then i made a havoc with my parents.At the end i didnt change because i found that i was acting due to my emotion so i stayed there.
Then on the night before PMR results day which is 23rd Decemeber, i did a ''prank'' so this is it.
Yea,being a pussy actually,sorry i made you cry,i know you wont forgive me on this hahaha.The ''prank'' was a success but i got a ''yes'' from you that time really freaked me out.
I was very scared after that and tried to talk to you until midnight 2am+ tho PMR results was coming out in few more hours.After that things went on until the next year,2011.
Form4 life!They called it the honey moon year but didnt sound like honey moon to me at all due to the amount of work im having in tuition and packed with activities.So i tried to drag my feelings until the day im going off for a trip but you managed to persuade me to say it out.Yes it was on the 8th of March.Im kinda regret i didnt do it in a public way instead telling through text but it didnt matter now,its over already ayte.So i flied on the 11th!Cant deny the pussyness,tell and fly away.The days were getting better and better.You were so clingy back then,sometimes i felt very restricted but i rather to stay with you most of the times.That made me missed my basketball session most of the times and being teased by my friends and seniors for ditching basketball hahaha.Well it was nothing,i sometimes still insisted to go play for awhile.Yea sorry the smell of my sweat everytime when accompanying you until 5PM everytime we stayed back.I was rushing like made sometimes as tuition starts at 5.30PM,pheww adventurous i would say?hahaha.
So during Form4,i broke my limit in my life and went out on FridayS most of the weeks which i had to find excuse everytime to tell my mom so i can go hahaha.Success upon reaching leisure mall from school was good, the problem in leisure mall was that many familiar faces were common there,so i always had something to be worried on.It was a good experience yet tiring at times.Sometimes even ran like a dog when saw someone i know.The most epic one was in front of the lift,the lift door opened and saw my mom with my brothers along,luckily abdan was along that time!Oh well,things went on smoothly for sometime (not 100% smooth,sure there's ups and downs) until Form 5!
Form5,year 2012,SPM was coming,the stress was coming but it didnt stop us.As the amount of work increases,activities im involved increases,i had less time to be with you.You got mad of that as sometimes we didnt even talk more than 15minutes in school.Yea my bad most of the time haha.I thought it would be fine after few months as everything was going to stop,but sadly it didnt, i got more busier instead.Still, the Friday date we used to go never had been stopped.Movie,eat,starbucks and talk until 5PM then back home straight tuition was super tiring that i slept during class most of the time without myself noticing.But i told myself,"everything is worth it,now i would complain of the tiredness,but one day,when i lose all these ,i will rather to have that kind of tiredness back".So as the day to SPM trials was getting near,I tried to help you out on the Science subjects by teaching you,but yea it failed most of the times haha.I even shouted sometimes that i felt like slapping myself,how could i lost patience suddenly?haha.Yea i was worried as SPM getting close.Back then in Form3,im still gonna be proud of myself because i taught you geo and sej until u manage to get As hehehhehe.At the same time, im also worried on the days once school is over on how to continue this relationship.So i took step by step,going out with you whenever i could.And yeah skype,im missing to be honest,but its too late.Well continue on the topic.Yes,we manage to go out as often as we could and until you planned to get a job at the end of December.And yes,the Pet Lovers Centre newly opened at the top floor.Since Popular bookshop was full,so you went to PLC instead.College was starting soon for me,and problems started to come up.Moving to year 2013!
First year in college (2013,present), ever since you started working and i started to go to college,we only get to meet like once in a blue moon.Starting of the year,i really couldnt cope with the new college life and was tired of it for 2 months just to cope of it,and your working was until 10PM daily and still have to manage some stuffs in the shop and get home which was already near 11PM,yea quite late.Everyday around that time I also quite drained up,but i tried to stay up as late as i can to talk to you or skype,but it didnt last long.I know its too late to regret,I cant turn time back and fix everything.Problems were there in our relationship but i kept telling myself it would be fine,yea which now i call it now-running away from problems.We argued over certain stuffs,and to avoid further argument,i put the blame on myself although i shouldnt,i should just settled things out but i didnt because i'm scared to face it.There are stuffs going on but i ignored,yea bad choice."As time passed,people grow,feelings changed.",i couldnt and wouldnt deny it,Im happy to see you grown so much during the time we hardly meet,growing up was never a bad thing,now i accept this fact because it is reasonable,while i was trying to make myself not to believe.I used to hold on to these principle: love and tolerate,understanding.After sometime,yea i lost hold of it,i was too much relieved.So many matters but i didnt take time to think about it.Now life is full of regrets but i'm not gonna let that take me down,it is painful to move on but life is a lecture after all,i shall accept everything as a lesson.This 2 years were the happiest moments so far,although there are pains too.I really loved you a lot,i started to think on what to do when we are really meeting the parents.But yea,i cant predict what was going to happen and i did not had a deep thought of it.Making it to be simple,leave no problems unsolved aside and letting them to be piled up,this will cause a tsunami wave of problems to crush you.Sometimes im just too self-centred , i did not take care of things as much as i did before last time.......*updated*
And so now,everything has ended.Some part of my life definitely will change.Well a small part haha?
No more the tiny little hands of yours,huggies,your scent that drove me crazy over you,eating Baskin Robins together,chilling at starbucks just to wait time to pass,and last but not least!Eating cheese baked rice with me! I know i have not stop eating that for 2years and i never will!Just that now nobody will share the cheese with me hahaha,okay i get to eat more i should be happy.
Since leisure mall is just so so near,i definitely gonna go through this place sometimes,and yea these memories will appear in my mind.Starting,the pain will be there but eventually it will fade.Im getting fine already haha,i guess?Time heals everything,yes it will.
After this, i will not have to chance to nag you anymore i guess?although many times of it didnt work at all.
-sleep earlier laa,you need some rest,i know you are tired!
-drink water!!
-no no no,no mcd! bad for health
-no its too late,no instant noodles for you ( well yea, at the end still let you eat as you're starving. what to do?haha )
What a stubborn Taurus you are.(:
Hope you enjoy your last month of working at PLC.I didnt like your male colleagues at first was because of the way stare and look at you from up to down.I noticed that so of course im not happy about it.But sooner or later,yes i was fine with them already.I just thought too much at first,they were good after all.At there i could see,you are very happy with the surrounding,the smile that i never can see when you're in secondary school haha,why am i typing this?Maybe sometimes this month,i will pay a visit?Miss those cute little animals by the entrance side.
For now,im still not ready to face you yet,although i have the eager to see you,to talk to you.But i know,its time to kill all these feelings,the situation is totally different now.
We might not be able to continue the journey we walked for 2 years ,but i hope this doesnt end our relationship in terms of ''friends'' instead of ''couple''.
I choose to let go at the end because we were both suffering yes.No point dragging everything further.But the love never die.I know you lost all those feelings and affectionate,its okay.I just want you to know,no matter what happen, i will always be there if you need me.But this doesnt mean i never move on (:
"No matter what happens
Even when the sky is falling down
I'll promise you
That I'll never let you go"
Sounds familiar ?Yea Park Bom's "You and I" hahaha.The song of our story.
Thank you Wong Li Sien for everything.If i get the chance once more,i would tell you "I love you" deep from heart,not through text anymore.
我爱你黄丽贤.
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