So yea,my last post was dedicated for you and my very first post of this coming new life will be dedicated to you as well.See?How awesome you are?Hahahaha
Nothing much actually, i just wanted to make an appreciation to this 2 years experience.I shall start from the beginning.
Back then in Form 3(2010), we didnt actually like approach each other at all.From what i remembered about that time was,seeing you was like seeing a black charcoal,yea..your face was always that ''black'' that time.We never talked,except asking for Chinese homework stuff.I'm afraid of you actually,but slowly changed my mind on you,you're quite friendly actually just sometimes oh so cold.One day,somewhere in the month of September i guess,cant really remember,I just know PMR was near.I was totally down,after being rejected by another girl i was going for?Another painful experience which i dont know why i can hold it so long?It amazed me actually for what i had done back then yet embarrassing.So slowly,you approached me when i was totally down and i really got no idea how did you make me cheer up that fast that time.I got better a lot eventually and most of the times i had been going to your or you coming to me class along with abdan to fool around.After sometime,i had a weird feeling that im attached to you in a sudden,but i didnt care about it and let it be.So we became close friends?That we were playing maple like idiots also i think?Ok,so things went on further.Until December, Form4 life was going to start soon and I took up tuition in Exclusive A tuition centre,to my surprise you were going there to.Yea i was freaking happy because i have not been to tuition with any of my school friends before since Form1.But too bad you cant stand the stress and you quit after not long,just in that period of time,i definitely can remember how many patches you left on the arms and thighs,i was being pinched for don't know how many times per tuition class until i became immune to it.And yea you left the centre,I was quite sad actually and there was a weird feeling bothering that time but i dont know what kind of feeling is that.From there, i started to feel like getting away from EA as well,the stress was something new for me i cant really sustain it.I planned to join you for tuition at other place then i made a havoc with my parents.At the end i didnt change because i found that i was acting due to my emotion so i stayed there.
Then on the night before PMR results day which is 23rd Decemeber, i did a ''prank'' so this is it.
Yea,being a pussy actually,sorry i made you cry,i know you wont forgive me on this hahaha.The ''prank'' was a success but i got a ''yes'' from you that time really freaked me out.
I was very scared after that and tried to talk to you until midnight 2am+ tho PMR results was coming out in few more hours.After that things went on until the next year,2011.
Form4 life!They called it the honey moon year but didnt sound like honey moon to me at all due to the amount of work im having in tuition and packed with activities.So i tried to drag my feelings until the day im going off for a trip but you managed to persuade me to say it out.Yes it was on the 8th of March.Im kinda regret i didnt do it in a public way instead telling through text but it didnt matter now,its over already ayte.So i flied on the 11th!Cant deny the pussyness,tell and fly away.The days were getting better and better.You were so clingy back then,sometimes i felt very restricted but i rather to stay with you most of the times.That made me missed my basketball session most of the times and being teased by my friends and seniors for ditching basketball hahaha.Well it was nothing,i sometimes still insisted to go play for awhile.Yea sorry the smell of my sweat everytime when accompanying you until 5PM everytime we stayed back.I was rushing like made sometimes as tuition starts at 5.30PM,pheww adventurous i would say?hahaha.
So during Form4,i broke my limit in my life and went out on FridayS most of the weeks which i had to find excuse everytime to tell my mom so i can go hahaha.Success upon reaching leisure mall from school was good, the problem in leisure mall was that many familiar faces were common there,so i always had something to be worried on.It was a good experience yet tiring at times.Sometimes even ran like a dog when saw someone i know.The most epic one was in front of the lift,the lift door opened and saw my mom with my brothers along,luckily abdan was along that time!Oh well,things went on smoothly for sometime (not 100% smooth,sure there's ups and downs) until Form 5!
Form5,year 2012,SPM was coming,the stress was coming but it didnt stop us.As the amount of work increases,activities im involved increases,i had less time to be with you.You got mad of that as sometimes we didnt even talk more than 15minutes in school.Yea my bad most of the time haha.I thought it would be fine after few months as everything was going to stop,but sadly it didnt, i got more busier instead.Still, the Friday date we used to go never had been stopped.Movie,eat,starbucks and talk until 5PM then back home straight tuition was super tiring that i slept during class most of the time without myself noticing.But i told myself,"everything is worth it,now i would complain of the tiredness,but one day,when i lose all these ,i will rather to have that kind of tiredness back".So as the day to SPM trials was getting near,I tried to help you out on the Science subjects by teaching you,but yea it failed most of the times haha.I even shouted sometimes that i felt like slapping myself,how could i lost patience suddenly?haha.Yea i was worried as SPM getting close.Back then in Form3,im still gonna be proud of myself because i taught you geo and sej until u manage to get As hehehhehe.At the same time, im also worried on the days once school is over on how to continue this relationship.So i took step by step,going out with you whenever i could.And yeah skype,im missing to be honest,but its too late.Well continue on the topic.Yes,we manage to go out as often as we could and until you planned to get a job at the end of December.And yes,the Pet Lovers Centre newly opened at the top floor.Since Popular bookshop was full,so you went to PLC instead.College was starting soon for me,and problems started to come up.Moving to year 2013!
First year in college (2013,present), ever since you started working and i started to go to college,we only get to meet like once in a blue moon.Starting of the year,i really couldnt cope with the new college life and was tired of it for 2 months just to cope of it,and your working was until 10PM daily and still have to manage some stuffs in the shop and get home which was already near 11PM,yea quite late.Everyday around that time I also quite drained up,but i tried to stay up as late as i can to talk to you or skype,but it didnt last long.I know its too late to regret,I cant turn time back and fix everything.Problems were there in our relationship but i kept telling myself it would be fine,yea which now i call it now-running away from problems.We argued over certain stuffs,and to avoid further argument,i put the blame on myself although i shouldnt,i should just settled things out but i didnt because i'm scared to face it.There are stuffs going on but i ignored,yea bad choice."As time passed,people grow,feelings changed.",i couldnt and wouldnt deny it,Im happy to see you grown so much during the time we hardly meet,growing up was never a bad thing,now i accept this fact because it is reasonable,while i was trying to make myself not to believe.I used to hold on to these principle: love and tolerate,understanding.After sometime,yea i lost hold of it,i was too much relieved.So many matters but i didnt take time to think about it.Now life is full of regrets but i'm not gonna let that take me down,it is painful to move on but life is a lecture after all,i shall accept everything as a lesson.This 2 years were the happiest moments so far,although there are pains too.I really loved you a lot,i started to think on what to do when we are really meeting the parents.But yea,i cant predict what was going to happen and i did not had a deep thought of it.Making it to be simple,leave no problems unsolved aside and letting them to be piled up,this will cause a tsunami wave of problems to crush you.Sometimes im just too self-centred , i did not take care of things as much as i did before last time.......*updated*
And so now,everything has ended.Some part of my life definitely will change.Well a small part haha?
No more the tiny little hands of yours,huggies,your scent that drove me crazy over you,eating Baskin Robins together,chilling at starbucks just to wait time to pass,and last but not least!Eating cheese baked rice with me! I know i have not stop eating that for 2years and i never will!Just that now nobody will share the cheese with me hahaha,okay i get to eat more i should be happy.
Since leisure mall is just so so near,i definitely gonna go through this place sometimes,and yea these memories will appear in my mind.Starting,the pain will be there but eventually it will fade.Im getting fine already haha,i guess?Time heals everything,yes it will.
After this, i will not have to chance to nag you anymore i guess?although many times of it didnt work at all.
-sleep earlier laa,you need some rest,i know you are tired!
-drink water!!
-no no no,no mcd! bad for health
-no its too late,no instant noodles for you ( well yea, at the end still let you eat as you're starving. what to do?haha )
What a stubborn Taurus you are.(:
Hope you enjoy your last month of working at PLC.I didnt like your male colleagues at first was because of the way stare and look at you from up to down.I noticed that so of course im not happy about it.But sooner or later,yes i was fine with them already.I just thought too much at first,they were good after all.At there i could see,you are very happy with the surrounding,the smile that i never can see when you're in secondary school haha,why am i typing this?Maybe sometimes this month,i will pay a visit?Miss those cute little animals by the entrance side.
For now,im still not ready to face you yet,although i have the eager to see you,to talk to you.But i know,its time to kill all these feelings,the situation is totally different now.
We might not be able to continue the journey we walked for 2 years ,but i hope this doesnt end our relationship in terms of ''friends'' instead of ''couple''.
I choose to let go at the end because we were both suffering yes.No point dragging everything further.But the love never die.I know you lost all those feelings and affectionate,its okay.I just want you to know,no matter what happen, i will always be there if you need me.But this doesnt mean i never move on (:
"No matter what happens
Even when the sky is falling down
I'll promise you
That I'll never let you go"
Sounds familiar ?Yea Park Bom's "You and I" hahaha.The song of our story.
Thank you Wong Li Sien for everything.If i get the chance once more,i would tell you "I love you" deep from heart,not through text anymore.
我爱你黄丽贤.
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